Holy shit. I don’t know why exactly but today has been, very likely, the most difficult day I have had in this whole process so far. The fatigue, of course, is hitting me like a ton of bricks and I’m having these ridiculous bladder spasms that are new and are bringing an extra level of excitement to the whole thing.
If you have never experienced a bladder spasm, they are pretty remarkable. I suppose it would be analogous to bad menstrual cramps, which doesn’t necessarily help to paint a picture for those audience members who, like myself, have never had a uterus. Take my word, though, that they are very unpleasant. The bladder spasms that is. My experience with menstrual cramps remains second-hand.
The urology clinic staff suggested I try Pyridium (phenazopyridine) for the badder spasms and I’m optimistic about potential relief from that. However, while sympathetic, they still don’t really have a whole lot to offer that would mitigate the fatigue. In fact they recommended that I cut back on my caffeine intake because it is an irritant and could be making the bladder spasms worse. So there.
The good news is that my manager at work could not have been any more supportive through this whole thing. She is looking in to some light duty options for me for the next couple of weeks, which I’m certain will be necessary.
This absolutely sucks. I am very much not having a good time.
Edited to add; I have found the answer to a question that the rational part of my brain has quietly been pondering in the background since this whole thing started. The question being “how bad do things have to get before I give up the pretense that I can just power my way through this like nothing is happening?”
The answer is: this bad. I cannot deceive myself anymore. I may not be “sick” but neither am I well. This is the limit. Merely human after all.
Edited additionally to add; You know what’s awesome? Bubble baths. I know we’re in the middle of another excessive heat warning but I am, right this very minute, soaking in a nice warm bath with lemon-ginger bath salts. It is really helping me feel less terrible.