Tag: Nursing

Timeline

There have been some events recently that have prompted me to think about what happened when. As I have mentioned previously, my memory of the period between Fall 2019 and Winter of 2021-2022 is pretty vague. Kind of a big blurry smear. Blurry enough that when I sat down and started thinking about this, I was sure I had misplaced an entire year somewhere in there.

Completely by accident, I stumbled upon a possible explanation for why I might have expected there to be an extra year between 2019 and 2021, and why the first six months of the pandemic seemed like a lifetime. The possible explanation came in the form of a BBC News article about how, and why, children and adults perceive time so differently. The TL; DR, as I understand it, is that memories are more likely to come from new, interesting, or unusual experiences. The whole world is new for children, so their brains take a lot of memory snapshots. As we age, the novelty wears off and long stretches can go by without much film being used up. The TL; DR for the TL; DR is that children’s brains work more like high-speed cameras, running at 5000 frames per second, while adult brains tend to run at closer to 60 frames per second. Adult’s brains are still capable of running that fast, but it takes unusual, exciting, interesting, or otherwise high-alert types of situations. Like a global pandemic for example.

Below (I hope) will be an attempt to un-jumble some of this in my head. I make no claims about accuracy. A lot of these dates I had to look up because I couldn’t narrow anything down enough just by memory. It will also include some non-pandemic related events, just for reference. This is also incomplete. I may try to add more later and I might not.

Okay, fuck it. I’m done trying to get this damn thing to format in WordPress. Here is a link to a pdf. Share and enjoy.

Inactive

The State of Washington requires 96 practice hours per year to maintain an RN license, a very low bar but one I am unlikely to get over this year. Fortunately (for a small, and ongoing fee, of course) I can put my license on “Inactive status” instead of just letting it expire. The reason for doing this is to avoid several layers of hoop-jumping should I be inclined to reactivate my license at some point in the future. If I reactivate it within three years, I wouldn’t even have to take a refresher course. Which I find frightening.

This will be the first time in 30 years that I haven’t had an active health care credential of some kind. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

This will definitely make me a better nurse

Probably a better teacher too when it comes to that. This is the kind of insightful critiques that really help me to build the skills I’m going to require to be successful.

I suppose I should clarify; I had a paper returned for revision and among the reasons it was kicked back are:

Missing sentence case for article title – The titles of work appear in title case, with most words capitalized, instead of sentence case. 

Missing italics of journal title – APA style requires the use of italicized font for periodical volumes. 

Separate the single author and the publication date with a comma in-text. 

The abbreviated version of the word ‘volume’ is improperly included. 

All text should be double-spaced

Some rando evaluator

What I’d really like to get from an evaluation is maybe some indication of whether or not I understood the material from the class well enough to put together a coherent argument. What I get is ”MISSING COMMAS, IMPROPER ABBREVIATION FOR ’VOLUME’!”

Which would make sense if I was working on my masters in copy editing.

But I’m not.

Update on indentured servitude

After Monday’s testimony, Judge McGinnis said ThedaCare did not meet all four of the required prongs to keep the temporary injunction in place.

“Could or should ThedaCare and Ascension get together and work in this transition period? I was hoping so over the weekend and I will continue to hope so. But I’m not able to craft any type of injunction that would require or limit Ascension without, I think, creating more issues or more friction, or taking away the ability that they have to provide healthcare services,” the judge said.

The decision means the seven medical workers can start work immediately at Ascension.

Thank goodness for that. Just knowing the judge thought it was reasonable to do this in the first place is plenty bad, at least he had the sense to realize it and put the whole thing…

The lawsuit itself continues.

Well shit…

Yeah, so I have PTSD

And generalized anxiety disorder as well, just for good measure (F43. 12 and F41. 1 for those tracking ICD-10 codes). I’ve probably had PTSD for a while now just based on the most common reaction I’ve had when I tell people this, which has been some variation of “Wait… you didn’t know?”

One of the funny1 thing about how my brain works is how it managed to have virtually every symptom of PTSD but somehow rationalize each and every one of them as being not only unrelated to PTSD, but as being completely separate issues that are unrelated to each other. Haven’t been sleeping well? I never sleep well. Been really irritable? Totally understandable, I’ve been busy and under a lot of pressure. Hyper-alert and anxious? I’ve been an ICU nurse for 20 years, being alert is part of the job and I’m just having trouble turning it off. Haven’t been able to make it through a whole shift at work because of overwhelming angst? Fatigue from cancer treatment combined with baseline laziness.

There were a few incidents which really made me think there was something more going on and my increasing dysfunction at work (documented in other posts on this site) was becoming unsustainable. I talked to my therapist, I talked to my primary care provider (actually I talked to Dr. Rando, MD because my regular PCP was booked out until the end of the month) and I got a referral to a psychiatrist. I’m off work until the middle of next month and when I go back to work I will not be returning to bedside nursing. As of the third week of February I will be a nursing supervisor at Swedish.

I’ll probably talk more about this new job later. I have a month to, as my father says, get my nervous system pulled back inside my body and then we get to find out if I can keep working as a nurse in any capacity or if I really have managed to blow out all my circuits.

1 Not like “ha ha” funny, more like “what’s that smell” funny.

Clever Title

Back to school. This is (hopefully) my penultimate term in my masters program and what happens after that is not at all certain. I had hoped to have the basement done before I had to start school again but in spite of that I think I’m at a point where I’ll be able to manage.

Work has been interesting. There is an actual sick (in the previously discussed “sick or not-sick” sense) patient on the unit right now, one of the kind that I have spent the last 5-ish years specializing to take care of. The unit at my current place of employment has some very smart, very capable nurses and doctors but very few of them have a lot of experience caring for specifically this kind of patient. This is the kind of patient I would very much like to see more of on the unit and, I think, that is a goal that is shared by the Powers-That-Be at the hospital.

So there’s this sick patient and one of the assistant managers texted me to ask if I could come in to work tonight to help out. A couple more bits of relevant information; I worked last night, it was a pretty exhausting shift, and I didn’t get much sleep today for several different reasons. I’m really tired, is the point to all that. Even so, if this had been not that many years ago, I would have said yes without even pausing to think. I had told managers and physicians that I would live at the hospital 24/7 if that’s what was required to take care of the patient and I nearly did on more than one occasion.

I’m going to go on a little side-track here but we’ll get back to the main storyline in a moment. I have frequently thought that when I tell someone about the long hours and short sleep that I put myself through to take care of these complicated patients, they infer that this is due to some depth of character and dedication to the nursing profession that drives me to do these things. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The fact is, being a bedside nurse is kind of a shit job. All too often it is literally a shit job. Yes, it pays well, but really the only thing that makes all the, literal and figurative, shit worth it is if you’re doing something interesting. I pushed myself taking care of these patients because I wanted people to keep sending those kinds of patients to our unit. I wanted the admitting services to know that they could dump the sickest patient imaginable on us and we’d take it happily. Being a nurse is the only thing I know how to do that someone will actually pay me for so, if I need to keep working as a nurse, I need a good supply of crazy sick patients so I don’t get fed up with all the nonsense. This could potentially be a much longer tirade but I don’t want to lose focus.

The end of the story for today’s incident is that I did not go in to work. I really wanted to for all the above discussed reasons, but I also knew that it would really not be good for me and self-care won out.

Also, tomorrow we have our first D&D game in almost two months and I am not missing it.

Brain radio

One of my professors when I was in nursing school told us that we should pay attention to the songs that are running through our heads because sometimes they can be an insight into what out subconscious is doing. She taught psychiatric nursing and was herself a few bananas short of a bunch but that one thing has stuck with me over all these years.

For the last few days I’ve had Medicine Show by Big Audio Dynamite running through my head.