The short answer is, better. The long answer is, as it has been previously, it depends on how far back you look. Compared to two years ago, I am noticeably improved. Compared to ten years ago, I am still a complete wreck. There is no question that I have more energy and less brain fog than I did last year, but I still jump at sudden noises, I still have difficulty being out in public for any length of time, and I currently have a bruise on my forehead because I woke up from a dream all in a fluster, leapt out of bed because my pager had gone off, or someone called a code, or I can’t even remember what, and I went face-first into a wall. There is still work to be done.
Again, though, I do feel like I’m starting to come back to life a little bit. Nothing much has been showing up here, I’m afraid, because I’ve been spending a great deal of time playing No Man’s Sky, and working on an unnecessarily complicated and overly detailed setting for a Dungeons and Dragons game I hope to start running next week.
I’m going back to see the TMS1 people next week to see if I might benefit from some supplemental brain-zapping, and I continue to take my meds and see my therapist. I have been assured there isn’t much more I could be doing to help myself along the road to recovery. The speed of recovery wouldn’t be as much of an issue if we currently had a functional federal government. I have been waiting for a final decision on social security disability benefits for some time now and I can’t really foresee much progress coming in the next 3-4 years. This is something of a disadvantage.
At this point, all I can do is try not to worry about it. I have to get better and find something economically viable to do with myself, sooner rather than later, but there really isn’t much else I can do to speed the process along. Things will work out or they won’t.
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- Transcranial magnetic stimulation, for those who may not recall ↩︎